Doesn't Change Anything
by mistressoflothlorien
Summary: AU Merlin fic: Merlin meets Arthur at school. What happens when the man falls hard? *Slash AU Merthur fic* One-shot Merlin/Arthur, Arthur/Gwen, Merlin/Gwaine


**Author's Note: I've become obsessed with the BBC Merlin, so much so that I HAD to write this fic. The plot bunnies wouldn't stop hopping about until I did. Its my first Merthur fic! I hope you guys enjoy.**

**WARNING: AU Slash fic. Don't like? Don't read! **

**I don't own Merlin. Sadly. Wish I did, I'd so slash it up!**

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><p>It started months before. Months before Arthur broke Merlin's heart. Months before Arthur married Gwen.<p>

Merlin was best friends with Gwen. They grew up together in the small village of Ealdor, outside of London. His mom was Gwen's surrogate mother, and Gwen's dad taught Merlin what it meant to be a man. The two of them were inseparable until Merlin was accepted into Oxford. Gwen encouraged Merlin to go, to get away from their village for awhile. He consented, only because he knew Gwen would take care of his mother while he was away.

Oxford was amazing. Merlin adored his studies; he made new friends, and even had a few boyfriends. None of the relationships were serious; they were all superficial, which was ok with Merlin. He told himself it was good to keep things light, he didn't want to settle down yet. He was still young.

The day he met Arthur, all those plans went out the window. He fell. Hard. Merlin had been rushing from his dorm, late as usual, when he crashed into someone. A blonde, muscular someone.

"My gods, I'm so sorry!" Merlin tried to apologize. "I'm running late and I don't ever pay attention…"

"Get off you idiot. I don't care about your excuses." The blonde, muscular someone snapped. Merlin detached himself and jumped off. He offered his hand to the other man, but it was brushed off. The blonde stood up and looked at Merlin. He was startled by the intensity of Merlin's blue eyes staring him down. "Why are you staring at me?" he asked.

"I'm trying to make sure you're ok." Merlin told him.

The blonde rolled his eyes. "And if I weren't ok? What would you do? Are you a doctor? A nurse perhaps?" Merlin shook his head at the questions. "See? So your staring is pointless. Idiot."

"Merlin. My name is Merlin. You prat." Merlin turned and started to walk away.

"Hey! Wait!" the blonde came running after Merlin. "Don't you want my name?" he demanded.

Merlin shrugged. "Not really. I have enough arses in my life, I don't need another."

"Arthur. My name is Arthur." The blonde smiled at Merlin. "And my dear Merlin, I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship."

It was Arthur's smile that convinced Merlin not to go running in the opposite direction. His smile made Merlin's heart skip a beat. It was beautiful to behold. From that day forward Merlin and Arthur were together every day. Merlin was floored when he found out who Arthur really was. Arthur Pendragon, the son of Lord Uther Pendragon. Arthur's father owned half of London, which meant that someday Arthur would as well. It had been overwhelming at first, but Merlin shrugged it off after a few days. Arthur was Arthur, no matter what his surname was. In return, Arthur didn't bat an eye when Merlin confessed his sexual orientation. If fact, Arthur insisted on meeting any and all of Merlin's dates. Merlin had to listen to Arthur's list of what was wrong with each guy; he was convinced none were good enough for Merlin.

"Who would you have me date then Arthur?" Merlin demanded after listening to Arthur berate Merlin's newest boyfriend. "Gwaine is a great guy. He's smart, honorable, and incredibly hot. He loves me."

"He's not good enough for you Merlin. What's he playing at, confessing his love anyway. You've been dating, what two weeks? How can he possibly know he loves you?" Arthur snapped. Merlin merely shrugged. He liked Gwaine, only because he was very similar to Arthur. Merlin fell for Arthur the first day they met, and although he tried to hide it, he was head over heels in love with the blonde. Of course, Arthur was terminally straight, so Merlin kept his mouth shut.

Arthur often crashed at Merlin's dorm after drunken parties, and each time Merlin's heart ached to be touched by the blonde. The mornings Merlin woke up in bed with Arthur were the best mornings of Merlin's life. Arthur always had his arm wrapped around Merlin's waist, holding Merlin tight to his body. It was these moments that gave Merlin hope. Maybe Arthur saw Merlin as more than his best mate. Those hopes were always dashed when Arthur would jump out of the bed, give Merlin a nonchalant wave, and disappear for the rest of the day. This went on for the rest of the school term.

Most of their mutual friends were used to how close the two men were. It was common to see them walking across the university, Arthur's arm thrown possessively over the raven haired man's shoulder. It always made Gwaine jealous to see them like that. Gwaine was so in love with Merlin, but he knew that Merlin's feelings were only lukewarm towards him. Merlin spoke sweetly to Gwaine, and to his credit, he tried, but Gwaine knew that the prat Arthur held Merlin's heart. Eventually, one day before the term was over, Gwaine ended it with Merlin. No one was surprised except Merlin. That night he cried in Arthur's arms. Every tear that Merlin shed over Gwaine cause Arthur to see red. He wanted to go beat the man up, but he wouldn't leave Merlin alone. Instead they fell asleep in Arthur's bed, with Merlin pulled tightly against Arthur's chest.

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><p>Arthur went home with Merlin for summer break. Merlin's mother and Gwen both wanted to meet Arthur, this man that quickly became Merlin's everything. It was that trip that changed everything between Merlin and Arthur. Hunith loved Arthur, and she would give Merlin sly little smiles whenever the two men were together. The day Merlin introduced Gwen to Arthur was the beginning of the end for Merlin, he just didn't know it. Merlin could see Gwen's eyes shining when she shook Arthur's hand and Arthur was oblivious to anyone but the dark haired girl. Over the month they were in Ealdor, Arthur spent less time with Merlin and more time with Gwen. Gwen tried to be fair and spend time with Merlin, but Merlin couldn't stand to see Arthur doting on Gwen, it hurt too much. He convinced her that he was fine, and to take Arthur and show him the area. Merlin spent the month crying to another childhood friend Will. Finally, the evening before the two were to go home, Arthur surprised everyone at the dinner party by proposing to Gwen. Of course she said yes.<p>

Merlin was quiet on the way back to Oxford. He though no one had noticed he left the party last night after forcing a smile and congratulating his best friends, but on the drive back, Arthur spoke up.

"Where'd you disappear to last night Merlin?"

"I was there." Merlin told him.

"No, you were gone the rest of the night. I noticed Will followed you. Are you shagging him now? You're a right trollop now aren't you?" Arthur teased.

"So what If I am? What does it matter to you?" Merlin flared up immediately. "Why should it matter if I shag the whole bloody rugby team? I'm not attached to anyone. I can bloody do whatever the hell I want."

"Calm down Merlin. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just worried about you." Arthur told him softly.

"Oh now you worry." Merlin muttered. Arthur glanced at the brunette, confused. "Why did you propose to Gwen? What's the rush?" Merlin asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice.

Arthur shrugged. "Why wait? Gwen and I hit it off. You know me Merlin, when I find something I like, I make it mine." Arthur didn't say that Gwen reminded the blonde of Merlin, which was ultimately what made Arthur jump. He was hoping she would be similar enough to make Arthur forget about the skinny raven haired man.

Merlin didn't respond. He stayed quiet the rest of the drive home. Once they got back to uni, Merlin went straight to his dorm, ignoring Arthur's concerned questions. Once school started, Merlin did his best to ignore Arthur. He no longer spent the evening in Arthur's room, and he would walk across campus alone, missing the warm arm thrown across his shoulder. As the months passed, Merlin helped Gwen plan the wedding over the phone and through email. He pretended it was a different Arthur she was to marry, not the handsome blonde that would give Merlin pleading looks whenever they bumped into each other. Gwen pleaded with Merlin to be her Man of Honor, stating she had no one closer to her that Merlin. Of course he agreed.

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><p>Two weeks before Merlin was to leave for Ealdor, where the wedding was to be held, he was awaken by pounding on his door. He groaned as he saw it was after two in the morning. He would have ignored the pounding but the person started yelling his name. Merlin jumped out of bed and threw the door open, not wanting the other students to be disturbed any more than they already were. On the other side of the door was Arthur. He was swaying slightly, telling Merlin that the blonde was completely drunk.<p>

"About time you opened the bloody door _Mer_lin!" Arthur snapped as he came into the room. Merlin sighed and shut the door behind him. "Why have you been avoiding me _Mer_lin?" Arthur demanded, plopping on Merlin's bed.

"I have not been avoiding you. I've actually been very busy planning your wedding." Merlin snapped. He figured it was easier to be waspish with Arthur, to keep him at a distance.

"Merlin. Why haven't you come begging me not to get married?" Arthur slurred.

Merlin froze. His heart felt like someone grabbed it and gave it a good squeeze. "Would it change anything?" He asked quietly.

"No. I'm Arthur Pendragon. I'm expected to marry a woman, to produce mini Arthur Pendragons. I can't be a fag." Arthur told Merlin sadly. Merlin knew Arthur detested the word fag, he almost beat up a man on campus when he called Merlin that. Still, hearing that word come from the drunk's mouth made Merlin's anger flare.

"Fine. Get out." Merlin told him angrily. Instead, Arthur got up and grabbed the dark haired boy. He pulled Merlin close, not kissing him, but close enough.

"Please don't." Merlin pleaded. "Arthur, please, it will break me…. " Arthur ignored him and closed the gap between their lips. The kiss started off sloppy and unsure, but after a few heartbeats it got more passionate. Merlin felt like his whole body was on fire as Arthur pushed him down on the bed. Merlin's brain was screaming at him to stop, this wasn't his Arthur anymore, this was Gwen's Arthur. Still, he put up no resistance as Arthur started to undress him. He put up no resistance when Arthur hoarsely demanded the whereabouts of lube. He put up no resistance as Arthur entered him, thrusting beautifully, and certainly he put up no resistance when Arthur collapsed in bed next to him, with his arms wrapped tightly around Merlin. Merlin closed his eyes, and pretended that this was what their life would be from this moment on. He prayed that when they woke up in the morning, Arthur would be his again. He prayed the whispered confessions of Arthur's love weren't just a drunken memory for the blonde in the morning. Merlin fell asleep whispering these prayers, but the gods ignored them. Merlin woke up the next morning to a cold bed.

Merlin was already crying when he saw the note from Arthur. The three sentences on it broke Merlin's heart. _I love you. Doesn't change anything. I'm sorry._ Merlin crawled back into the bed, curled up and continued to cry.

When no one heard from Merlin after a few days, Gwaine attacked Arthur. He would have beaten him bloody, but two of Arthur's mate's managed to pull him off Arthur. Arthur swore he didn't know what was wrong with Merlin, and Gwaine should go check on the man himself. Gwaine spared one more death glare in Arthur's direction, and then took off to Merlin's room.

After pounding on the door for 10 minutes straight, Merlin finally relented and let Gwaine in. It took another 10 minutes to convince the brawny man not to beat Arthur senseless after he saw the state Merlin was in. Merlin convinced Gwaine it wouldn't help, that it was Merlin's own fault this happened. Still Gwaine raged. Merlin was able to calm Gwaine down by asking him to get some dinner since he hadn't eaten in two days.

They went to a small diner outside of the university campus; somewhere they had no chance of running into Arthur or his mates. Merlin told the other everything, crying softly as he confessed that he slept with his best friend's fiancée. Every tear the raven haired man shed felt like a sharp stab in Gwaine's heart. He wanted nothing more than take the brunette in his arms and kiss away his tears, but he knew Merlin needed a friend more than anything right now. He tried to talk Merlin out of going to the wedding, but Merlin couldn't. He was Gwen's Man of honor. She needed him. In the end Merlin ended convincing Gwaine to be his date, to help him get through that day.

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><p>The day of the actual wedding came and went before Merlin could blink. He was on auto-pilot the whole day. He smile when he was supposed to, he helped Gwen when she needed it, and he gave his speech at the reception, congratulating Gwen and her Arthur. Only Gwaine and Hunith noticed the way Merlin winced when he said Arthur's name. Only Gwaine noticed when later that evening, as he danced with Merlin, how Arthur's eyes never left Merlin's back. Merlin didn't see much that night, he didn't see Arthur's eye follow their every step, or how they narrowed slightly when Gwaine grabbed Merlin's hand to lead him back to Hunith's house where they were staying. He didn't see Arthur looking for him the rest of the night, instead he saw himself curled up in Gwaine's arms, crying softly.<p>

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><p>After a quick honeymoon, Arthur moved Gwen into his flat near university. Part of Merlin was glad, he did miss his best friend and he was glad she was closer. Gwen learned quickly not to mention Arthur when she talked to Merlin. She knew something had broken between the two, so she wanted to spare her best friend any further pain.<p>

A few weeks later , Arthur drunkenly pounded down Merlin's door again. Merlin refused to let him in at first, calling Gwen instead. She begged him to let Arthur stay that night. He opened the door, pulled the drunk blonde in and pushed him onto the bed. Merlin then curled up on the floor and fell into a restless sleep. The next morning, Arthur was gone.

This happened every week since then. Merlin complained to Gwen that it wasn't normal for a man to get drunk every week like this, but Gwen just brushed it off. She was grateful that Merlin allowed Arthur to sleep it off every week. She didn't know that Merlin never slept in the room with Arthur after the first night. He always escaped to Gwaine's room. Gwaine understood why Merlin couldn't be in the room with Arthur, but he couldn't understand why Merlin allowed him in there in the first place. Merlin would always shrug off the question and crawl into bed next to Gwaine.

One night, Merlin was sitting on his couch, writing in his journal. The clock had just chimed, informing him that it was now 2 am. Merlin knew he should be in bed, he had classes early the next morning, or rather later that day, but he couldn't. He told himself he couldn't sleep, but he knew he was lying to himself. He was waiting for Arthur. This time he was determined to stay in his own room. Like clockwork, at 2:15 Arthur pounded on the door. Merlin let him in and closed the door behind the drunk. Arthur stumbled over to the bed and sat down.

"Merlin. Please stay tonight?" he begged.

Merlin nodded. "I will." He told the blonde. Arthur's eyes widened in surprise and he lay down. Merlin turned off the light and crawled into the bed next to Arthur. He tried to ignore the heat and electricity that came as Arthur's arm brushed Merlin's arm. He tried to ignore how right it felt to have Arthur's arm wrapped around him. He fell asleep feeling whole for the first time since before the wedding.

Arthur woke up in the morning alone. This was nothing new, he was used to Merlin leaving as soon as Arthur was in bed, but this time felt different. Arthur felt like something was missing. He felt like something big happened last night, he just couldn't remember what. As he sat up in the bed, he realized that he wasn't alone in the room. Merlin sat watching him from the sofa.

"Um. Hi." Arthur told him shyly. It was the first sober words Arthur had spoken to Merlin in months.

"We're not doing this again." Merlin told him. "You aren't going to get drunk and come into my room anymore."

"Merlin…." Arthur started. Merlin cut him off with a raised hand.

"I'm moving. With Gwaine." Merlin told him. Arthur just stared. "He got hired at a law firm in Dublin and I'm going with him."

"Gwaine." Arthur sneered. "Do you love him?"

Merlin glared at Arthur. "Why do you care?"

"Do you love him?" Arthur demanded again.

"I don't know." Merlin told the blonde honestly. "He's been here for me since your prattish arse left me broken. He's helped me pick up the pieces. I love _you_ Arthur. I love you so much it hurts. Not being with you is so painful I can't breathe sometimes. " Merlin told him.

Arthur jumped up and tried to hug Merlin. His heart broke as the brunette stepped away from him.

"Arthur. I'm leaving in two weeks. Please let me go. Please let me try to move on." Merlin told him. Arthur sat back down and watched as Merlin turned and ran out the door. The blonde put his head in his hands and cried. He didn't realize Merlin was on the floor outside his door, crying as well.

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><p>"Are you sure about this Merlin? You don't have to run away you know." Gwaine asked as the two men stood in the airport two weeks later.<p>

"I'm not running away Gwaine. I'm starting a new chapter." Merlin told him with a smile as he held out his hand. Gwaine stared at the hand for a second before he grabbed it. He knew that he was Merlin's second choice, but that was ok. For now.

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><p><strong>Fin.<strong>

**I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'm working on a sequel, mostly because I can't leave the story like this. I need my fluffy happy ending! **

**Please read and review if you enjoyed! Thanks! **


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